Thursday, July 18, 2013

when i was a little girl..i've always wanted a baby sister so i can ask her to do all the house chores! LOL well,i never told my mom..but i guess i was thinking aloud when she said,i'm gonna have a baby brother.Alhamdulillah..i never regretted for having one. he's always a nice kid to be my bully victim.haha..no lah..i don't bully my brother lah..biasalah..kakak,mesti suruh adik buat macam-macam :P and so i am always the little sister..when i was 12 ..i got an offer letter to enter the boarding school in KL.boy i was excited cause it was the dream school i've been wanting to go since i was 10! :P so 5 years in boarding school..i rarely spent my time at home with my family. but i know i was this fragile girl..that always in need of attention.but of course, i pretended to be strong and independent :(

when i finished high school.i spent 1 month at home but still, going out once a while working part time. getting my own money from my part time job at Toys R Us. i earned 1k..and i bought my very own nokia 3210. then again..i got an offer to continue my studies in Kuala Pilah for a year. boy, the first day my parents left me..i cried almost every night :( and after a year,I made it through..i got an offer for a degree in Software Engineering in Pahang. but I rejected and I chose UPM (for obvious reasons! :P) . First year went well..Serdang and TTDI is just 30minutes away ;P but I don't have a car by then.so i traveled by commuter & buses. And then, after a year in UPM..i got an offer to study in Japan for a  semester (8months) and i hafta be away (again!) from my family :(  it was reallllly harddd..seriously.being thousand kilometers away could drive me crazy. but i was again, pretended to be strong. First raya without my family in 2004. sob sob.sniff sniff.but I do treasure every moment i spent there. every people i met, every friends and made who are still now, keeping touch with me :)  and in 2005, i was back in Malaysia and continue my degree in Computer System until I graduated in 2007.i worked for 3 years in Hartamas. the best 3 years of my life! being close to my mom,dad and brother. but it was hell, as my work is torturing me (I even got my first Asthma from my stressful work..sob) and by then, i was this bigger sister with bigger responsibilities to take care little brother and the house chores..because my elder brother and sister were married and moved out.

but in 2009, i got an offer to work in Putrajaya..and boy,i traveled back and fourth from TTDI-PUTRA just because I don't wanna be away from my family. but after a while, i need to find a place to stay since i could not tolerate with the unacceptable traffic in a KL.. so I finally found a place to stay in Putrajaya..and i'm back to stay on my own for almost 4 years now..haihh..what a life..but i do make sure that i will go back to mom's every weekend.yup.without fail! :P along the way, i met a nice guy and Alhamdulillah..he had made me feel what every woman should feel, loved and appreciated..after 3 years of relationship, he finally popped the question..and so I said yes :)

and now...after all these years,slowly i'm feeling the same feeling i had 11 years ago.the feeling of being taken away from my family. for me, being the only girl or elder sister is different with the feeling of being that little girl when u know u have elder siblings to look up to and you have to be independent because you're not that little sister anymore. but being a little sister made me feel like i can't face this 'being independent' anymore. i was pretending strong for too long now..hoping that i could just be that little girl and just be under my mom and dad's protection. but seriously,it's like struggling with my own loneliness but at the same time trying to be strong. neglected but needing..but Allah has better plans for me..maybe.

this time, I will be have to be independent again..figuring what life's gonna be after this.to be building my 'own' family. Masha Allah..besarnya tanggungjawab tu..but I do hope that Allah will guide me to the right path..as much as He has guided me to the paths I've been through for the past 11 years.i wish this little girl is strong enough to face the world. to sail through life with the love of her life.in Shaa Allah.. with this few weeks left..i wish I could just treasure every single moment I could with family and friends, so I would cherish each and every one of it.and i know i've done what i should've done when I look back at it right.. right? ;)  lets hope so....much love xx

erinchunk circled @ 9:02 AM

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