Tuesday, September 06, 2011
i'm not sure if u noticed but i think i changed lately.i can feel it.but i am trying my best to ignore it.no,its nothing serious.just something that i dislike the most just happened to me.
recently,i was told by a O&G doctor that i am having one of the symptom of low eggs production.yes,those eggs :) well,actually..i had known this since i was 15 years old.imagine that 12 years of having this 'unique' symptom.when i was 15 years old,i discovered that i was having a very abnormal menstruation.i have my menses gap between 3 to 6 months.and the longest i had was 9 months.yep.if i was married,i might have a child!lol.ok not so funny :P
i was given some hormone pills.in fact,i was given a 'family planning' pills.hohoho.but these pills are not helping.my progesterone are really really low you see.but normal.it DOES help for a while.but it made me gained weight (i was 45kg at that time) so i stopped at the age of 18.and so i just let myself 'reproduce' naturally.well,it did.but just for a while.my gap shorten to 3montsh.better,i guess.but as i entered working life.my stress build up every single day.and it made my menses haywired AGAIN.the gap gets bigger up to 6months AGAIN.and when i get my menses,it prolonged.to 30days!lama,kan?
well,i am not worried.i am just concern that as i get older,it will not do good to me :( so until recently,i was adviced by the specialist to try on Diane. (i also refered to my personal doctor,Shila) that it is ok to take the pills.so i took it for 3 months.first month was chaotic!i skipped the pills few days (i tend to forget sometimes) and when my menses came,GOSH!! subhanAllah! i had menstrual pain for a week!i skipped work every single day.i can't bare the pain.i hafta take pain killers and sleep.MUST! i sometimes went all pale and sweating trying to hold back the pain.i cried.every single day :( and on the second month,no skipping and all.alhamdulillah,it went back to normal and it did not prolonged.no more menstruals.so does the third month.
but as the fourth month comes,i stopped Diane.to monitor my menses naturally.Allah Ya Rabbi,it started again.i does not come on time :( i am so frustrated.so i meet the doctor again and explained the whole thing.the doctor told me that it is nothing serious.i just have this symptom of not producing the right amount of eggs (but i'm in the normal range) due to low of progesterone level.i'm glad its not serious.Alhamdulillah.but there are disadvantages.i will be moody most of the time. I DO! :( and i am beyond FIERCE!i was impatient!ya Allah,it really test me! i get irritated easily.and i just ignore people.
so just in case you notice i am not all chirpy churpy all the time nowadays.i wish i am.i was,you see.i am this happy girl who likes to laugh all the time.but when this happen.i can be the bitchest bitch you ever met!:P i don't like being like this.but i am trying my best to ignore the fact that i have to face it every day.so friends,if some of you have a remedy on how to be more patient,calm and at ease when my BLOODY hormones strikes..do let me know.i would LOVE to know.maybe some surah,maybe some technics,anything.i am more than glad to receive it with an open arms.i'm sure the meds won't help anymore,for now.i might just need to worry on that part later,when i'm planning to get married.heh.
i hope u girls out there understand me.if i DO change lately,i am sorry.i just can't help it.i am happy.but my inner me is not functioning well.please pray for me to recover soon.i know i'm not SICK sick.but maybe some of you remedies will help me become better :) insyaAllah.much love xx